Food for thought ?

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax


Ø I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.


Ø Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.


Ø I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.


Ø Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.


Ø The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.


Ø Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.


Ø If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.


Ø We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.


Ø War does not determine who is right - only who is left.


Ø Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.


Ø The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.


Ø Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.


Ø To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.



A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.


Ø How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?


Ø Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.


Ø Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.


Ø I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.


Ø A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.


Ø Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says"If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".


Ø I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.


Ø I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess"on it...so I said "Implants?"


Ø Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?


Ø Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.


Ø Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?


Ø Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.


Ø A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.


Ø You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.



Ø The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Ø Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.


Ø A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.


Ø Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.


Ø Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.


Ø I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.


Ø Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.


Ø There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.


Ø I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.


Ø I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.


Ø When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.


Ø You're never too old to learn something stupid.


Ø To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.


Ø Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.


Ø Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.


Ø A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.


Ø Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

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Insomnia ?

Last night I had a sleeping problem. I read for about an hour. Turned out the light at 11:30 PM was still awake at 12:30. I said "to heck with it" I will just read until I drop off to sleep. I did and my book fell out of my hands about 2PM. Had restless, unpleasant dreams until about 7AM.

I know, I know. The book I was reading, a Swedish murder mystery. "Sidetracked" by Henning Mankell is too stimulating. One of the best mysteries I have ever read.

"Mankell's third Detective Kurt Wallander mystery revolves around the veteran Swedish inspector's search for a savage serial killer who scalps his victims after delivering a fatal hatchet blow"

" Winner of Sweden's 1997 Best Crime Novel of the Year, this is another terrific offering from the talented Mankell"

This book is not nearly as gruesome as it sounds. Much of it is told from the police point of view as they race to stop the killer.

OK I know. Not exactly bedtime, relaxing reading but I am hooked and can't wait to finish this book and get the next Kurt Wallander mystery.


Oh well. I am still functioning today.