Answering robots

( So many times when we call a business we get these dumb, impersonal answering robots. so turn about is fair play.)

"Subject: 86-year old lady's letter to bank...... Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman."


Dear Sirs:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month..

By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:

IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH

#1. To make an appointment to see me
#2. To query a missing payment.
#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
#4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping
#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home
#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier .
#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7
#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service .

#10. This is a second reminder to press* for English.

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call..

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?

Your Humble Client"

The Bobby Soxer...Me

A lonely teen age girl sits in the dark listening to the new sensation, Frank Sinatra, as he croons a soft love ballad on his nightly radio show.


He signs off every program with these lyrics:


“Put your dreams away

For another day,

And I will take their placeIn your heart.


Wishing on a star

Never got you far

So it’s time to make

A new start”


She turns off the radio, takes out her bobby pins, dampens each strand of her Toni Home Permed brown hair. Then rolls it up in small, flat, pin curls.


She arranges her books for the next school day. Says a prayer for her three brothers who are serving overseas in the war.


Soon she goes to sleep hoping to dream of Frankie.




.

Tomorrow

I loved the musical "Annie" and especially loved the feel good song the little redhead sang:

"The sun'll come out

Tomorrow

Bet your bottom dollar

That tomorrow

There'll be sun!

Just thinkin' about

Tomorrow

Clears away the cobwebs,

And the sorrow

'Til there's none!



When I'm stuck with a day

That's gray,
And lonely,



I just stick out my chin

And Grin,
And Say,



Oh! The sun'll come out

Tomorrow

So ya gotta hang on

'Til tomorrow

Come what may



Tomorrow!

Tomorrow!

I love ya Tomorrow!

You're always

A day

A way! "



It's a beautiful, sunny, spring day in Atlanta, Georgia.

The daffodils are blooming their bright yellow

Heads off

The flowering crab apples

Are tossing their pink petals

On the ground like a spring snow.



AND



They're all gone.

The plumber is gone

The washing machine

Repair guy

Is gone

Carpet reinstallers

Gone

Carpet cleaner
Gone.

Finished and gone.

Just in time

As I was

Too tired to chew.

"Tomorrow" finally came for us and we lived through it all.
:)

Don't Read This

Unless you want to hear me whine.!!!



They say it comes in three's. Misfortune that is.

First it was my computer that died and our son had to take it home with him and administer CPR or mouth to mouth for a week until he revived it. It was DOA when he came to get it.

The second one was last Friday. And yes, it was Friday the 13th. Hubby, Sam, and our grown son were in the basement playroom putting together a Schwinn recumbent bike that Sam had ordered online. Sam cannot use the treadmill right now since he fell on some slick pine straw 5 weeks ago and broke a small bone in his foot. He is wearing a foot shoe cast.



As they were opening the bike box they noticed that the carpet in part of the playroom was wet about 4 feet out from the sofa and closet. Humm, they thought. Maybe the dehumidifier, which was not turned on had accidently started up, leaked and wet the floor.

They finished putting together the bike(no simple task in itself) then son went home and got his carpet cleaner machine and attempted to clean up the carpet stains. He came back over the next day to try and find the source of the water leak. He pulled up some of the carpet and discovered that the water heater in utility closet had a small, slow leak from the top down the side and under the baseboard into the room,(They had checked that before but it was such small leak from the top and not noticeable) I think it had been leaking for some time and we just had not seen it.

I went to the store to get Kitty Litter and they spread it on the bare floor . They had pulled up the carpet and discarded the wet pad underneath, trying to counteract the moisture. They turned on two fans and two dehumidifiers. Son drained the water heater so it wouldn't do anymore damage. We called the plumber who could not come until Monday. We only had cold water for two days. Brrr. I took spit baths. No shower.

The plumber came and replaced the water heater with a new one. When he finished I asked him to look upstairs at the hose connection for my washing machine as I thought it might be leaking. Plumber said the leak underneath the washing machine is NOT WATER but OIL. It was coming from the machine itself.( this is number three)

I called Sears Repair. They came today and had to replace the transmission etc. This came to a total of over $400. Luckily we had bought a 3 year service contract when we purchased the washing machine.(I had to overrule hubby at the time as he does not believe in extended warranties on appliances). So the repair cost nothing. Good thing as we had already spent over $800 on the water heater and plumber.

The basement playroom is topsy turvy with the carpet drying out. (almost dry now) Carpet guy coming tomorrow to take a look about reinstalling it later with new pad under part that was water damaged.)

Cleaning guy coming on Thursday to vacuum up kitty litter and to scrub up floor and baseboard to get rid of the mildew. (I talked to a water damage company and they said to use Borax detergent to clean up and it should be fine)



Now aren't you sorry you read this. but thanks for attending my pity party.

I found this info on PITY PARTY online:

"Pity Parties require the proper outfit, which is usually pajamas cause you dont get all dressed up during those feeling-sorry-for-myself moments. Also you should have no make up on or just the one from the night before; hair undone as well. It also involves tissues, comfort food such as ice cream; chocolate; potato chips; cookies; cake; and candy. Low fat food is banned Alcohol might or might not be allowed (if alcohol makes you go wild, no alcohol should be brought to the pity party in that case since the point is not exactly to have fun). The purpose of a Pity Party is to dump the pity ."

Keeping your computer screen clean

See below for a sure fire way to clean the inside of your computer screen.

http://www.raincitystory.com/flash/screenclean.swf

Hooray

HOORAY !!!!

My son brought my computer back today. It is all well and operating good as new.

What a relief, although I did notice I was slowly recovering from my computer addiction. But with the first whiff of "Bookworm" and "Blogs" my drugs of choice, I am hooked again.

Ahhh. How sweet it is.